Nullsphere

As I am incapable of owning up to a little truth about myself that almost all my friends know about, here’s my 12-step recovery program to prevent falling into the same old patterns again.

1. I admit that I am powerless over my own heart and it’s unmanageable.
2. I believe that putting 3000+ kilometers between me and my problem can restore my sanity.
3. I am going to exert my will and stop trying to analyse or understand The Situation.
4. I am making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. The results aren’t pretty, nor are they encouraging.
5. I admit to the world (thank god for blogs) that I am what’s wrong with my life. I know it, you know it. Move along.
6. I am entirely ready for God (aka a plastic surgeon) to remove all these defects. Except I don’t think anything can be done about my brain.
7. I humbly ask the world to leave my shortcomings alone. And my shortbread too.
8. There is not enough paper in this world for me to make a list of the people I have wronged and make amends. I’m not gonna live that long.
9. I will try to be less of a jerk and/or burden to my friends by whining constantly about my life. I have a reasonable time and been given a lot of breaks over the years.
10. I admit I was wrong to believe in Happily Ever After. It’s a fairy tale. As a scientific, I shouldn’t be so gullible.
11. Sleep will serve as meditation. More sleep = good. Works for cats.
12. Alleluia! I am cured. Now, can I fix your life for you?

Once I reach step 11, I’ll stop because Step 12 sounds moronoic. Agreed?